There is no perfect union. All partnerships go through different challenges.
Perhaps one of the most common tests that couples experience is infidelity.
Nothing hurts more than betrayal, but your next challenge is whether to talk things through and stay or pack your bags and go.
If you do want to try and work things out, it will help to know the 10 common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity.
Books like Eli J. Finkel’s The All-or-Nothing Marriage can also help, as it talks about why marriages fail while others succeed.
Blinkist, the book summary platform offering key ideas of best-selling books, also has a whole host of non-fiction books on related topics.
Common Marital Problems
As the relationship progresses and the initial romantic excitement dies, it is almost inevitable for couples to go through different marital problems.
These conflicts often lead to resentment, and it’s up to the couple to fix it or be done with it.
Below are some of the most common marital problems most married couples go through.
1. Monetary Issues
Married couples cannot avoid fights about money, which can affect their union in the long run if they don’t take the time to talk about it.
Sometimes, money issues already exist even before they tie the knot because of personal financial concerns brought into the marriage.
If couples don’t talk about the problem, it may even lead to financial infidelity, which is where they hide money from each other.
Stress is another concern in marriages, and it may arise from anything and is easily triggered by almost everything.
No matter how hard you try, there will always be something that will stress you out, aggravating an existing issue between you and your partner.
If either of you feels anxious, you don’t have the patience to think rationally and discuss things calmly, magnifying even simple matters.
3. Issues With Children
Children are blessings, but they also cause stress and marital problems.
Basically, having children means added responsibility that you may not always be ready to face.
Taking care of another human being may cause strain and disagreement between couples, testing both of your patience.
Furthermore, parenting differences will not only cause stress to the couple but also to the child.
4. Bad Habits
As the saying goes, “it takes two to tango.” The same goes for marriage or any partnership.
Sometimes, due to stress or being busy, couples do things unconsciously until it becomes a habit.
If both parties are aware of their bad habits, they should decide to change them and prevent further conflict in the relationship.
One of the most common problems between couples is infidelity.
Sometimes, as the marriage advances, partners become emotionally disconnected.
Unfortunately, this scenario gives way for infidelity to enter the union since emotional needs are not met.
That said, couples must make an effort to support each other to fulfill their emotional needs.
Also, try to understand your partner’s feelings better to dispel infidelity thoughts.
10 Common Marriage Reconciliation Mistakes To Avoid After Infidelity
After going through an episode of infidelity, it will be a challenge to continue the marriage and start a new chapter.
It will take patience, time, and effort if you decide to give the marriage another chance.
Here are common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity.
1. Making huge decisions without thought.
Upon learning of your partner’s betrayal, the initial response would always be extreme and impulsive.
You might ask him to leave or think about filing for a divorce.
However, these are emotional decisions that you should avoid making at the spur of the moment.
As you try to fix things with your spouse, allow time to help you heal, even if the past haunts and torments you.
Decisions made in haste will have consequences that you might regret later.
To prevent this from happening, allow the initial stages of reconciliation to run their course.
2. Involving others who are outside the relationship.
Whenever we hear something, good or bad, our first instinct is to let others know about it.
What more if it concerns you and your partner?
Whatever reason you may have, refrain from letting others know about your current situation.
Things get complicated when more people are involved.
After some retrospection, decide who to talk to, how much you are willing to share, and why it is necessary to let them know.
3. Resorting to physical violence.
It’s normal to feel hate for the person who wronged you. What isn’t normal is physically hurting the other person.
Getting too emotional may blind you to proper reasoning, leading you to do things that are not within the boundaries of the law.
4. Not communicating properly.
If you want to survive infidelity, you must talk about what happened with your partner, even if it’s hard and uncomfortable.
More than that, you must also know what and what not to say to prevent further conflicts.
5. Refusing to communicate.
Communication is crucial in any type of partnership.
Although broadcasting your issues is not encouraged, it’s not healthy to keep it all to yourself.
If you can’t talk to your spouse yet, look for someone you trust or go to a therapist to discuss your feelings so that you can start healing.
6. Blaming yourself.
When infidelity occurs, you usually blame yourself for the betrayal, thinking you did not work hard enough to sustain the marriage.
Sometimes, the cheaters point their fingers at their partners instead of acknowledging their weaknesses and mistakes.
In general, both parties must learn to recognize their shortcomings and think of ways to compromise.
7. Not seeking Professional help.
Trying to recover from infidelity issues is not a walk in the park.
It will take a long time before you can get back to normal, if ever.
If you decide to give your marriage another try, it would be best to seek professional help for counseling and guidance.
Both you and your partner are in a vulnerable state, and talking to a therapist for advice and guidance will help you through your journey.
8. Getting even.
Sometimes, your first instinct is to hurt the one that did you wrong in the same manner.
However, you will only hurt yourself more than break the other person.
Yes, it’s hard to forgive, but you should try to focus your energy on doing so if you want to reconcile and start afresh.
9. Holding a grudge.
Most of the time, you will hear people say that they can forgive but not forget.
That’s normal; you don’t have to force yourself.
However, make sure to remove the bitterness from your heart, as this will not help in your quest to rebuild your marriage.
10. Making the infidelity the center of the relationship.
Some couples never get past the infidelity issue and make it the focus of their relationship.
Avoid this scenario as much as possible because it will only hinder your recovery process.
Aside from keeping an eye out for these common mistakes, you might also want to read up on other related topics.
A good place to start is reading The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli J. Finkel.
‘The All-or-Nothing Marriage’ Book Summary
The All-or-Nothing Marriage book, released in 2017, talks about the various ways marriage has changed through the years.
In these modern times, people consider it as a thing from the past. Some even question its importance and purpose.
The author, Mr. Finkel, spent years of research collecting data to figure out the importance of this union in today’s culture.
Based on that collected data, he determined the factors why marriages fail or succeed.
He said that, for one, the couples’ approach to marriage had changed significantly.
He then provided various quick and temporary resolutions for simple and petty issues in marriage.
Furthermore, he also offered lasting techniques where couples can express themselves individually while supporting each other at the same time.
Overall, Eli J. Finkel believes that couples can create a lasting union full of love as long as both parties provide their fair share of hard work, commitment, and communication.
Get Marriage Advice on Blinkist
You can read or listen to the complete key ideas of Eli J. Finkel’s The All-or-Nothing Marriage on Blinkist.
You will also find other books about the same topic or another category you might be interested in from its wide collection.
The platform offers more than 4,500 non-fiction books, each one with a 15-minute summary read.
Ways To Fix Your Marriage
Infidelity may cause deep emotional pain, but it should not always end the marriage.
If both parties are willing to fix their relationship, it can survive.
Consider some of these tips to recover from infidelity and mend a broken marriage.
1. Give yourself time to heal.
Take all the time you need to heal and reflect before deciding whether you want to leave or stay in the marriage.
Talking to a professional who specializes in marital therapy may also help.
2. Focus on what you love about your partner.
Make an effort to think of the things that attracted you to your partner before the affair.
It is hard to do right now, but that will help in restoring the relationship.
3. Allow for individual growth.
Conflicts and challenges provide individual growth for both parties.
Take accountability for your actions and learn from them.
4. Embrace your and your partner’s imperfections.
One sure way to get past any marital problems is for both partners to learn how to embrace the imperfections of one another.
No one is perfect, anyway.
Avoiding Reconciliation Mistakes
Knowing the 10 common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity gives you an idea about the things you should not do.
For even more tips to rebuilding a relationship, find similar topics on the online book-summary platform Blinkist.
It will help you understand the secrets to a long-lasting marriage.